Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
