He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
