Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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