Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize