the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
