Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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