lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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