i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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