u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FUCK WHALES
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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