What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
