I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
