Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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