Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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