One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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