She said her name was "party"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
