Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
