she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
