she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
