it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
