Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.