dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
