i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.