Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
