You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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