oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
