but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
