Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
