he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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