Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
