I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
