If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
