i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
