No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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