I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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