I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize