I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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