Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
