I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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