When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
