Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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