sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
