O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
