The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize