but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
