In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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