i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
