you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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