he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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