i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
