no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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