Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
