she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
