so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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