DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
