What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
