Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
