I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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