I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone signed my nipple.
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