Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
where am i from again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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