Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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