so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
