While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
