im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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