My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
