i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
