I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Found the puke drawer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
