her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
