It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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