i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
