there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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