Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
