the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
