I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they're like a gay fantastic four
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
