I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
