After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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