so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
should my penis look like a turkey
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
