To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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