so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
