Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
